Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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