Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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