i just google imaged poop.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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