genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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