I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
