last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
