i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
