I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
