home. puking in laundry basket.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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