yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
