My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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