I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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