just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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