i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
