If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
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And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
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I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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