I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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