Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
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YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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