i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
