two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
