so that wasnt chicken after all
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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