If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
