I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
