There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
