i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
