So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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