I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
