just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
