I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
