do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
