So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
