Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Boobs are out for the taking
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
