He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
We talked him into tasing himself.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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