I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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