Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
