I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We are all done wearing pants today
The adults are the big ones right?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
