very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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