I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Who wears a wallet chain?!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize