Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
