Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
