My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Sext me about skeletons
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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