Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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