she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
