Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
