I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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