Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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