mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just cropdusted the office
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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