Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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