Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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