she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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