genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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