FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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