YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
