I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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