she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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