a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
