Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
