I cockslap morals
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
