the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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