mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
