Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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