It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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