well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
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He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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