It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
The dick lei will go down in squad history
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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