According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
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