Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
