His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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