I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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