the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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