a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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