i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
