Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
